66. Unmasking the Connector's Shadow Side
In this episode of the Money Mindset Hub podcast, I have an incredible story to share about my unforgettable experience in Bali during an earthquake. This event truly opened my eyes to the fragility of life and the importance of embracing each day with gratitude and purpose.
But that's not all! I am absolutely thrilled to shine a spotlight on one of my amazing clients who has achieved a remarkable win. She has successfully generated an impressive $13,500 in passive revenue, and I firmly believe that her unwavering dedication, unwavering commitment, and transformative mindset work played a crucial role in her success.
In this episode, I also delve into the shadow aspects of the connector archetype. I explore the challenges that come with being a natural people-pleaser and the difficulty in setting healthy boundaries. I provide valuable insights and practical advice on how to overcome these tendencies, cultivate a strong sense of self, and navigate the shadow side of the connector with grace and authenticity.
Tune in to this episode of the Money Mindset Hub podcast for an inspiring story, a celebration of client success, and valuable insights on embracing your true self while conquering the shadow aspects of the connector archetype.
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This is designed for the purpose-driven woman ready to go all in on herself and her dreams. The one who is ready to expand her energetic capacity to create, receive & hold more wealth, more abundance, more success.
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Speaker 1 (00:00:01) - Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Money Mindset Hub podcast. So I'm your host, Carla Townsend, and I'm a money mindset and success coach for female entrepreneurs. And I'm so happy you're here. And guys, we are back. We are back home from Bali and getting used to the cold again. I swear. Like we live just outside of Melbourne in Australia and having been in like 29, 30 degrees every day for most of August was divine. But then coming back, it's like a bit of a rude awakening. However, spring weather is definitely coming through, so thank God the sun has been gorgeous. Anyway, first off, I have to tell you what happened on the last night that we were in Bali. We were woken up at 4 a.m. with an earthquake. Yes, an earthquake of 7.1. It wasn't wild. The only way that I can explain it, it was like being in a boat on the river and a big wake boat comes past and it just rocks you because the wake is so big.
Speaker 1 (00:01:08) - That is what it felt like. We were just getting rocked around, like sitting like we're literally our bed was a boat and we were being physically rocked, like our bodies are being rocked. It was wild. All the windows were shattering. People were like running around. It was insane. And obviously in Bali they have earthquakes quite a lot. Not to that magnitude, but anything over a seven, there's a potential risk of a tsunami, for God's sake. So we were just waiting and waiting. So for like an hour or so, we couldn't sleep because we were waiting. At first it was like it was measured at around five and then it like kept jumping and jumping and jumping and it ended up at 7.1 and we thought, Oh, no. So we just had to wait for like the all clear. And yeah, luckily nothing broke, nothing fell down. So yeah, definitely very grateful. It was a cool experience to know what it felt like being in an earthquake where nothing actually terrible came of it.
Speaker 1 (00:02:08) - It got me thinking because it was only like the day or two before that I had said to make because, you know, obviously the tragedies that are going on around the world and how natural disasters can happen in an instant. Right. And they they're not always predicted majority of the time they're not predicted. And. It's crazy to think that you could go on a holiday that's going to be one of the best trips of your life and then something like that happen and your entire world, if not life just gets thrown upside down or just drastically changed forever. And maybe it's a bit of a morbid thing, but honestly, it just goes to show that and nothing is permanent. If anything, make every single day like it's your last because you just don't know. You never know what could happen. I always look at it like we've also got one life, so what are you going to do with it? Are you going to get older and have regrets or, you know, it's something going to happen at one day? And you'd be like, Look, I had all this time, I should have done it.
Speaker 1 (00:03:04) - I should have gone for the business, I should have launched the podcast, I should have put out my products and service. I should just should have backed myself, wrote the book, whatever it is on your heart to do, do it because there is no time like now and everything happens in this present moment. It's just, yeah, it's just wild to reflect on that. But anyway, we are all good. First off, I want to celebrate one of my clients. She had the most remarkable August ever. She clocked 13,500 in passive revenue for the month. That is wild. She has quantum leaped so much. We began working together five months ago and I can tell you now, five months ago, clocking ten a month, the passive income, that was her dream. But here's the thing. She did the work. She put in the time. She put in the effort. She took the action. She was very intentional. She was so coachable. But she took her own initiative because this is the thing when you want to reprogram your mind to think certain way and open up the possibilities and expand your wealth capacity into what is possible for you and the wealth that you can create and hold and receive.
Speaker 1 (00:04:22) - You have to do the work continually. It's repetition that changes your subconscious mind and everything happens from the subconscious. So the way that we naturally manifest is because our subconscious is acting in accordance with what it is that we desire and we declare that it's ours and it needs to be clean. Maybe you felt like this too, at times where there's things that you're trying to manifest, and maybe it is the money, for instance, because it's a big one. Obviously, for my clients, it's why they come to me. Money mindset. So when they're trying to manifest the money and they're doing all the things, but it's just not coming for whatever reason, it's because deep down your subconscious there is actually something blocking you from being able to open up your receivership to be able to receive that amount of money into your life. This is what is so crucial and this is what love is a whole manifesting process. And I just I love it all. And that's honestly what the Matrix membership is all about. It is where money meets manifestation meets entrepreneurship because it's this beautiful trio and the Matrix is right in the center.
Speaker 1 (00:05:21) - And this is just one example of what happens when you work on your money mindset. She's done some really hard things in the last five months and in the five months she has collapsed time and she has quantum left to hit 13,500 dollars wild. But also it was very expected. I could see it happening. I could see that potential playing out for her. It's just remembering that you are never in control of the timeline. It's never up to you when it happens. It's just you need to be clear what it is that you want, what it is that you can do. And then you need to allow yourself to surrender in order to be able to receive and obviously be able to do the reprogram from internal and the subconscious state to be able to allow yourself to receive and to be open to opportunities in different ways. So anyway, if you've ever thought about joining that, please do It is open. Obviously this beautiful lady is in there, so had to celebrate her. So I'm celebrating you. I know you're going to listen.
Speaker 1 (00:06:18) - I'm celebrating you and all the action that you took, and it was just always going to happen for you. So anyway, you're incredible. Keep going, because what is going to take it to the moon? We are taking it to the moon. Okay. Anyway, let's get into this episode. So this is all about the shadow side of the connector. And just a quick recap, just in case you haven't listened to any of the other episodes in this series, maybe the Connector is the one that's your number one. So hence you're listening to this rather than the other couple that have been released. So the concept of a person's shadow was made popular by a Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, who believed that the human psyche contains both conscious and unconscious elements. So this shadow represents the part of you that you may be deny, repress, or even reject, consciously or unconsciously, due to societal conditioning, personal beliefs, cultural norms, fears, desires, traumas, emotions, and qualities that you just basically consider unacceptable or undesirable to have.
Speaker 1 (00:07:12) - So somewhere along the line that you believed if you acted in a certain way, you wouldn't be loved or accepted and therefore repress that part of yourself. So, for example, a shadow can show up when you have like a sibling rivalry. For instance, if there's any part of you that feels like you need to compete with your siblings, like who did better or who's right, for instance. Honestly. I've had this before where for some reason and maybe it's given I'm the eldest of four, so I was always the one that they all turned to. I know so many women that are the eldest daughter and they take on the mothering role, as did I. So then what sort of happens is you are guiding your younger siblings and it almost is like, Well, I'm right because I'm older, but then it gets to a point where that doesn't matter. It matters when maybe like you're ten and under, but then when you're in like your 20s and 30s beyond, it doesn't matter who's right. So this sibling rivalry can still play out.
Speaker 1 (00:08:11) - So if that's playing out for you, there's definitely a shadow side of that. There's a reason why you're acting that way, and all that is going to do is harm the relationships and essentially your quality of life and your experience of your life is basically just made up of the experiences of the relationships in your life with yourself and with others. So if this is playing out, I really encourage you to look into it. So let's get into the connector archetype specifically and talk about the top five shadows that I see that have come up for a connector. So first of all, a quick recap. The connector really values relationships and community. They are just a beautiful, open, heart centered person and they love collaborations and they're very supportive and the very nurturing and everyone recognizes this connector. However, one of the first shadows that can come up is like this over dependency on others. So a connector can feel like they're relying too heavily on others, whether it be for their own happiness, whether it be to make the decisions for themselves, whether it be to validate their ideas.
Speaker 1 (00:09:17) - And so what can sort of happen here is this can lead to not being able to lead yourself. So if you're feeling like this, you need to learn how to cultivate that self validation on your own, develop that strong sense of self, that strong sense of compassion and understanding that you can make your own decisions. Always refer to your values and your goals connectors because they are what will drive your decisions. Your relationships are of course so important. Like just touched on, they're important for everyone. For every different archetype, your relationships, they cultivate your overall experience of life. But it's essential to remember that you don't need other other people to discern that for you. You don't need other people to make decisions for you or to validate you or to make you happy. You need to maintain your own identity and also your own independence, because that is when you actually feel lit up and encouraged and you make the decisions that are the best for you. Boundary issues is the second one that can come up a lot for a connector because they are just such beautiful people that are so open and they they will always support and help.
Speaker 1 (00:10:29) - But sometimes this can lead to really blurred boundaries and overextending which they can lead to like resentment and burnout and, and feeling like other people might be taking advantage when in actual fact they just don't know. If you don't communicate your boundaries, they don't know that that's a boundary that they're potentially overstepping because you haven't communicated because you've allowed it. So remember, whatever you don't change, you are choosing. I love that saying. So if you are allowing people to overstep your boundaries, it's because you are not communicating. You are choosing not to communicate strong boundaries and stick to them. So practice maintaining and setting healthy boundaries and know the boundaries are healthy. Learning to say no is necessary. It's a necessary skill in life. Yes, it can feel uncomfortable, but it is essential. You are not always going to be able to say yes. You are not always going to want to say yes and honestly, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. That is one of the things that I live by and that took me a long time to even come to this point because I was such a people pleaser and I didn't want to rock the boat.
Speaker 1 (00:11:30) - And I was always very open to helping people. But I'm a very big impasse. It would lead to. Just like this energetic white on me. And then I would feel bitter because I wasn't communicating boundaries either. So I understand firsthand what this one does, but just be aware of that. Where in your life or your business even, do you need to set some boundaries? Do you need to communicate what's going on? So the next one, number three is about this approval seeking behavior. So connectors sometimes need to seek the approval. And we touched on before they can seek the validation from others. But sometimes it can lead to a really unhealthy extent, much like anything when you overdo it or you rely on it, and then you become dependent on that, dependent on others, it can be really compromising to you and who you are, your values and your goals. So essentially your authenticity and what you desire out of your life. So remembering come back to what are your goals? What are your values? Form your own sense of identity and always stay true to that.
Speaker 1 (00:12:44) - Seeking the approval and validation from others. It's just something that we need to practice. Yes, we do need to sound things out and we might need a bit of a sounding board, but essentially you need to be able to trust your own authority when you're making decisions. And so maybe for you that is like your gut feel. Maybe that's the intuitive voice, maybe it is speaking things out and you can hear the decision in your voice. Maybe it's the emotional. So you ride that emotional wave and then you will just know. Learn to listen to your own authority. If you don't know what that is, it's a human design reference, so we can probably speak more about that. If that's something that you would like, please let me know on Instagram. Please tell me if this is interesting. Please send me a DM because we can go more into this. But there is always going to be your authority that you need to lean in. All right? So another one. Is social obligations leading to overwhelm.
Speaker 1 (00:13:40) - So this is when there's no prioritization of your commitments and the interactions that you're having. So sometimes you as a connector can say yes to everything, like yes to going out for dinner, yes to this person. Yes to that person. Yes to this client. Yes to the family member. Then all of a sudden you are doing everything for everybody else. You have overcommitted and then you don't have any time or space for yourself. And it can lead to feeling very overwhelmed. Now, remembering overwhelm is just a feeling. Overwhelm is not you, you are not overwhelm. Overwhelm is just a state of mind and you can choose to shift it. However, this is leaning back into setting boundaries, learning to say no. Trusting your own authority when making decisions. Is it how yes or it is a no. There's no such thing as maybe. Don't people please like get in the habit of not people pleasing? Because then it won't lead to this. You won't have this overextended feeling of having to be everywhere for everyone else because you've overcommitted and you actually have no silence, no space to work on yourself, to work on your business, to do the things that it is that you want to do.
Speaker 1 (00:14:41) - Self-care, for instance, is one of the things that gets neglected quite often when you're a connector. For the connector, it's very prominent to do that. So remembering that you need that space and that time for yourself to fill up your own cup before you can extend the overflow to others in your life. So. There's that one. And the last one really is. The lack of. Individual identity. That's probably the best way I can explain this. So for connectors, it's very easy to. Get a little bit lost depending on the groups that you believe you belong to, for instance. Right. So let's just say you're part of a social community because you probably are. You're probably part of many different communities, different associations, depending on where you work and your just urinate. Just your innate personality. So what can happen is you can lose your own understanding of what you value, what your goals are, who you are, what you desire. All of these tie into one another, right? All of these time we're saying yes, too much.
Speaker 1 (00:15:56) - We're seeking approval, too much. We're not setting healthy boundaries. We are over dependent on others. Therefore, it all leads to this fifth one, which becomes this, I suppose, a bit of an identity crisis, not knowing who you are without all the other things. So have a look into this if you feel like this, who are you without everything else? Who are you? I say this a lot of the time and I've experienced it myself. When I became a mum, it was like someone asked me that Who are you? Or like, What do you do? And I'm like, Oh, I'm a wife and I'm a mum. And it honestly led to me and this was prior to me launching a business. But this honestly led to me going, But I'm more than that. But what am I? You know, so if you feel like that too, if you are you, what are your interests? What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing? What do you value? What lights you up? What separates you from all the groups that you associate with? If you can develop that strong sense of self and your own identity and it takes time.
Speaker 1 (00:16:59) - I swear I'm still on the journey. I feel like you always are because you're always going to have this identity evolution over time. But who are you to your core without everything, without being a wife, without being a mom, without being a part of any association or any group who argue without anything? Who are you? To your core. And this, I suppose, is this journey of like self discovery and finding out who you are. And it's enlightening and it's liberating when you start to realize who you are because then that's when you can tap back into being your authentic self and you can express yourself. The entire object with shadow work is to uncover your true self, to gain that clarity, to gain that understanding of your own identity, to be able to express that and share that with the world because it takes far less energy to be able to share who you really are with the world. So. I hope that helped you as a beautiful connector. Or maybe you aren't. And just listening to this.
Speaker 1 (00:18:03) - Anyway, I hope that gave you something to think about and honestly. If anything I said resonated with you. If anything I said triggered you. Made you think of a certain experience or a memory or a person even. There is work to be done. The more that you continue this, the more that you will know exactly who you are and you'll cultivate healthy relationships with yourself and with others, and your personal growth will flourish because then you'll be able to actually find that balance between nurturing all the connections in your life because that's what you love, right? That liberates you having all those beautiful connections in your life, the right kind of connections, the supportive kind of connections that will support your personal growth. But it will also help you in understanding how to prioritize your self-care. Setting the boundaries, cultivating that strong sense of self. And then you'll be able to overcome these shadows and be who you truly came here to be. So I hope that is helpful for you. And if you love this abundant alchemy has launched, it is live.
Speaker 1 (00:19:07) - It is a prerecorded mini course all about illuminating the shadow sides of your archetype so that you can heal your relationship with money. The content that is in there is really going to be quite thought provoking for you because it's going to make you uncover your actual personality and personality traits and characteristics and look at it in just a completely different way. We also do speak about the energetics of money. So receivership is one of those things. It's one of the hardest things for women to do is actually receiving money. We desire this money we desire this wealth. We desire that abundance. We desire this success and recognition, whatever it is that you desire. However, actually allowing that in is something that's really subconscious. So this is going to be like your pathway to uncover what that is that's actually holding you back from receiving what it is you desire to receive, especially if you feel like there's a little bit of a disconnect there. So anyway, abundant alchemy. It's live. It's incredible. It's only $97, which is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (00:20:02) - So go to money mindset hub com forward slash abundant if you would like to check that out and hope to see you in there.