51. Master the Art of Self-Validation and Achieve Your Dreams.
I'm thrilled to share with you an insightful podcast episode where I delve into my personal journey of seeking validation from others when I first started my online business. Through my experiences, I've come to realize that self-validation is the key to unlocking our full potential and achieving our goals and dreams. It's crucial to adopt a growth mindset and grant ourselves permission to create the life we desire.
I understand the importance of mindset when it comes to achieving success. It's essential to surround ourselves with supportive people who encourage us to pursue our passions and dreams. This episode is all about empowerment and self-determination. It's time to take charge of our financial situation and pursue our entrepreneurial aspirations with confidence.
And that's not all! I'm thrilled to announce that I'm launching a brand new membership that provides a supportive community for female entrepreneurs. This program is designed to help women build their businesses, connect with like-minded individuals, and gain the confidence they need to succeed.
So, let's stop relying on external validation and start pursuing our dreams with confidence and determination. Remember, the power to achieve our goals lies within us. Let's embrace our unique strengths and talents and create the life we desire.
Join the Money Matrix Membership, the place for female entrepreneurs ready to manifest a masterpiece.
TAKE THE FREE MONEY ARCHETYPE QUIZ HERE
-
Carla Townsend (00:00:00) - Welcome back to the Money Mindset Hub podcast. I'm your host Carla Townsend, and I'm a money mindset and success coach for female entrepreneurs who are ready to manifest a masterpiece in their life and in their business. So let's get started.
Carla Townsend (00:00:15) - Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Money Mindset Hub podcast. Oh, . So to start this one off, I have to share a funny story. You, I'm gonna have to explain what I'm looking at. I shared a little story on my Instagram at like my behind the scenes look of podcasting at home because I'm just so professional, right? So me give you the background. I used to share, like my office, it's like a big open office, right? It doesn't have a door and stuff, but it used to be kind of like kids playroom slash office because my kids at two, four and six, they were always with me when I was working, when I was, when I had started my business, when I was coaching, all that sort of thing, they were always here. So this office was literally half office, half kids' playroom, I suppose you could say.
Carla Townsend (00:01:06) - Anyway, I've recently like booted all the kids' stuff out because I thought, no, okay, it's time to take me seriously and have my own space and like walking past because there's no door. And the kids would mess up their stuff. It would mess me up. Like I just couldn't, I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to get rid of it and I put all their stuff into the theater and then I could shut the door. So I don't care how much chaos is going on behind that door, but I can shut it and I have to see it anyway, because I've done that. I now don't have anything in here other than like I would literally have two chairs and a little table and I wanted to record my podcast with a blank space at the back. Now sitting at my desk, it is so dark cuz there's a shelf run above me and I just hated it.
Carla Townsend (00:01:47) - And I always put stuff up on the walls, like you know, when I'm brainstorming and all this sort of stuff. So I really didn't want all of that, just like in the background of the podcast. I just wanted to be like a nice, neat background. So anyway, I literally am recording this with my laptop, my microphone, even my ring light is sitting on top of my kids' marketplace. Now if you've seen this, it's just from Kmart, it's like a stall, right? They put all their little baskets in, they put all their little fake and they could pretend to be at the shops. That is literally what I'm working with. At the minute. Go and have a look at my stories. I'm gonna share it in the behind the scenes highlights because it's so funny. I was looking at myself and I just thought, , how can I take myself seriously with this?
Carla Townsend (00:02:31) - I've literally got my kids pots and pans and their play food, like at my feet, at my feet. I can literally reach it right now. Like this is what we're, this is what we're doing. So any advice on how to kit this out so I can actually record in the corner would be amazing. Like is there just really small desks that I could like have to like lift up? Just literally just wanted to fit the laptop and the mic. Any suggestions? Please reach out to me because I clearly need some help. It takes me such a long time to figure out what I'm going to buy for my house and especially in this space, like this office, I'm gonna be putting a door on it. It's gonna become like my office, my creative space, my podcast studio, my little library for all my books and all the things are gonna be in here.
Carla Townsend (00:03:16) - So it's just like my zone. But with that comes a lot of waiting for the right thing and trying to picture like how would this all work in this space? Anyway, any suggestions? Please, please, please do me a favor because this is ridiculous. Anyway, to get into today's episode earlier, just kind of like had this, this sort of opinion and it was sort of off the back of a conversation I was in yesterday and it was all about like validation and I jumped on my stories and I sort of spoke about it and I thought, you know what? This is really something I need to share a bit more of my experience with. Because in the beginning I absolutely needed people's validation. Like I needed my husband's validation, my friends, my parents, my family. I felt like I needed them to be like, yes, color, you're doing it right, you're on the right track.
Carla Townsend (00:04:06) - Go for it. Do these crazy things and launch this online business and speak about money. But at the end of the day, like it just led me to burn out and it led me to having like a big break because I just felt like I was constantly looking outside of myself. You are the only person that can validate you. You are the only person that uh, gives yourself permission to move and to do things and to create the things that you want to do. Be have experience in this life. You have one life, you get one shot to create it the way that you wanna create it. At the end of the day, this is something I'm super passionate about and I've said it so many times, but you know, I might sound like a broken record here, but you know that's me. So I don't wanna get old and I know you don't either.
Carla Townsend (00:04:53) - We don't wanna get to this point where we're really old, we look back on our lives and we have any regrets. We go, you know what? I wish I had just had more confidence within myself and just did the damn things that I wanted to do. That is such a fear of mine to look back and go say color. Like you didn't even try . It didn't even try. You didn't even have a go and sorry if there's kids around occasionally I will curse because I've just, you can just, I dunno. I get so passionate about it and sometimes I just slip it out. And to be honest, I grew up on a farm like I'm a country girl for Australia. So it just happens. But this is the thing, you are the only one that can give yourself permission and the more that we continue to look for other people's, whether it be our partner, friends, family, relatives, colleagues, the more that we are looking for everybody else to go, yes, Kelly, you're on the right track. When they've never walked that path before, they have no idea what you were talking about. How the hell to do an online business? Like I went to my husband and I kept looking for validation from my husband. My husband works in construction.
Carla Townsend (00:05:59) - Hell would he know if I'm doing anything the right. Like he doesn't even work on computers. I'm only working on computers with software, with people, managing people and coaching people, developing people in this space. He definitely does personal development on himself, has done for a long time he was really the person that's encouraged me to start that journey. But he works at construction, he doesn't know anything about growing an online business yet here I was trying to get validation from Michael like, am I doing it right? Should I keep going? Is this what I should do? Is this what I should like, is this the way that I should write a caption? Is this like, is this, tell me, tell me, tell me, okay, he's a plumber by trade. He could tell me a few things about plumbing, right? And and lots of other stuff.
Carla Townsend (00:06:42) - You know, exercise, all the rest, like there's certain zones of genius that he has. Just like everyone, just like our friends and our family, they all have different zones of genius. But if they have never created an online business from scratch, they've never built a website, they've never launched a podcast, they've never created a coaching program, they've never coached individual clients or in group programs or run a mastermind or a membership or anything that you are trying to create, then why are you looking at Adam for validation? Why are you asking them for validation? Why are you waiting for validation and not moving until you get it? Because trust me, a lot of the time you're not gonna get it. And you're gonna get to that point where you realize, why do I keep looking at everyone else with validation? Because at the end of the day, I'm the only one that can do that for myself.
Carla Townsend (00:07:23) - I'm the only one that can believe in myself. And that self-belief and that confidence piece that comes with practice and that comes for going back to your why. Why you're doing what you're doing now. I know that sounds so cliche. Go back to your why. Go back to your why. And I kept hearing that all the time and when I didn't really know my why other than I knew I had to create something for myself, I just didn't even know what, that was really hard to wrap my head around. So lemme put it this way, you know you're here to do something different when you don't wanna live the lives of everyone else. If it was like me, you'd be the same. Go to school, get good grades, go to uni, get a job, get married, settle down, have kids, bam, wait till you retire.
Carla Townsend (00:08:02) - Like that is the path and it's not the path that I wanted to live. And I realize that at a certain point and also I realized at a certain point after launching my business and continually falling flat because I kept looking for validation outside of myself and I kept looking for the proven methods and the pathways. That's when I realized if you wanna create something, you need to believe in yourself, you need to work on yourself. What's the worst thing that could happen if my partner doesn't really agree with what I'm doing or want me to create a business or have any idea how to do a business? What's the worst thing that could happen? Honestly, are you gonna quit just because somebody else is like, oh look I don't really get it. Who? And even if you do in the short term, and don't get me wrong, when I started my business, I started it and I did it for 12 months and I was so overwhelmed, undercharging burnt out and I was obviously still in that perpetuating cycle of looking for validation, but I just went, you know what?
Carla Townsend (00:09:00) - I've gotta stop. I was also pregnant with our third, so I was like, that's it, I just gotta stop. I've gotta take some space. In that space is when I began to contemplate seriously. And then my daughter was born. So I had three kids in four years and one month, exactly. Literally my eldest is 6th of April at my third is 6th of May. So in four years and one month exactly we had completed our family and it was that point. And it's something so crazy when you do have a child, it's like you realize what am I waiting for? What should I care what everyone else is doing? I'm happy for them when they're getting promotions, when they're doing the things and they're living their life, I'm so happy for them. And if they're not happy for me by doing my own thing and going my own way, even if it is an unconventional way, even if it's a is a way that doesn't make sense to a lot of people cuz they've never done it.
Carla Townsend (00:09:54) - Who cares? Because your people are always gonna back you. Your people will always support you no matter what. Even if they don't understand, they're gonna say, you know what? I don't even understand what you do, but I support you. That's amazing. But you're gonna let the naysayers and the negative Nancys stop you from living your dreams. Stop you from talking about what it is you wanna talk about, sharing what it is you wanna share. No. And if you do, it's gonna get to the point where you go fuck it, why not? The worst thing that could happen is you have to start letting go of some of those connections. And that's hard. That is hard. But you gotta put yourself first at some point. And being selfish is a good thing. There is so much positivity that comes out of actually putting yourself first and being selfish for once and stop doing what it is that you think you're supposed to do.
Carla Townsend (00:10:42) - Stop, try and stay within the mold that you saw and you thought you would live out. It is okay to be different. Some of the most successful people in their industries have been the ones that have been classed as weirdos and strange and unique and they do things differently and they never wanted to fit in. They always wanted to break the mold. And there's this amazing song by Alicia Keys. I play it often, my kids know it. They sing it and it's underdog by Alicia Keys. And one of the sentence in it says, they said that I would never make it, but I was born to break the mold. How profound. They said I would never make it, but I was born to break the mold because she knew that that path was not for her. And not that there's any judgment towards that path.
Carla Townsend (00:11:31) - You know, you see other people taking this path and that's beautiful, that's great if that's what they truly wanna do, that's the path that they truly wanna take. Amazing, good on them, wish them all the best and give them all the love and support. But it's not mine. It's not mine, it's not yours cuz you're not here for that ordinary way of life. And not that there's nothing wrong with that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I love seeing people get promoted and being lit up and when they love their job, they love their life, they love what they're doing. That's so fucking cool. That is so cool. But that's just not for me. It's not for me. I don't want to go back into corporate life and work my way up the ranks again. I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna keep striving for that.
Carla Townsend (00:12:14) - I don't wanna be away from my family. I don't wanna have to go in the office five days a week. I don't wanna do that. I love the freedom, the flexibility that I get. I get to go to everything, you know, I do the pickups, I do the drop offs, I go to swimming, I go to excursions. Literally this morning I got to go and I drop my youngest off and I dropped my eldest off and then I got to go to kinder with my son and go on an excursion with him for a few hours we just played. And then we went on the excursion and it was so beautiful that I get to do that, I get to do that. And guess what? I get to do it again next week cuz he is going on another excursion on a different day. And I'm like, that's amazing.
Carla Townsend (00:12:54) - I get to do that because I chose that. And I also know that not everyone is going to have those choices straight away, right? Not everyone is gonna be like, oh, well you know that's easy for you because you've got, you've got that option. Like you've got that flexibility and all that. Yeah, but I didn't always have that, right? I didn't always have that. There was a lot leading up to that point. But there's also a lot of decisions and actions that led up to that point that led up to the ability to not having to go back to work, say full-time, right? Like when I become a mom, I did not have to go back to work full-time. And you know why? One, I said no, , that's not what I'm doing. I'm not going back full-time. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.
Carla Townsend (00:13:37) - Again, if that's the situation you're in, amazing. But if it's not the one you wanna be in, you get to change it. But I have to do that one, I saved money, I saved, I knew that we're going from two full-time jobs down to one that things are gonna be different. It's probably not gonna be as abundant or whatever. So I save money. And guess what's funny? The less money that you have, the tired that things get, the better you actually get with money because you are forced to. The lifestyle inflation is so real. The more you earn, the more you spend it is a hundred percent real. A hundred percent. You can be broke earning $200,000 a year and you can be rich earning $50,000 a year. It is what you do with the money that you have. That's the difference. And at the end of the day, going back to like the circling back to the people in your world or the people that get it, the people that support you no matter what, the people that don't, the people that judge you and your actions, the people that are triggered by you and your actions and that don't really wanna see you succeed.
Carla Townsend (00:14:45) - Like deep down, they might not know why, but they're just like, I just don't wanna see you succeed. I don't wanna see you do better than me. Don't let them break you. And just remember, it's always your perception. Unless someone says that out loud, you're really not gonna know, right? You might pick up on it in their energy, but you're not really gonna know unless someone says it out loud. But at the end of the day, don't let them stop you. Don't let the negative Nancys stop you from taking action and living your big ass life because you've got one time is precious. And yes, now as a parent as well, you are probably the same if you've got kids, you're like, oh god, mom and dad used to always say that As you get older, time goes faster and faster it, but he does.
Carla Townsend (00:15:29) - It does. They were right. Hate to admit it, but it seriously does. And a lot of what my parents would say growing up, I now see like, yeah, there's a lot of truth to what they used to say, , but at the time I didn't get it. And now I do. So it does. It's going faster and faster and life is precious. Time is precious. It is the most precious thing you can get. You can always make more money. You can never get more time. So make those choices, do it. Do the thing. Stop looking for validation, create that confidence within yourself. Confidence is a muscle you need to practice, practice, practice to build it up. The thing that builds confidence is taking confident action, always, always feeling the beer and doing the thing anyway. That is what brings confidence to you. The amount of times that I have been scared shitless, like literally terrified to do something.
Carla Townsend (00:16:23) - The first time I ever got outta stories, the first time I ever recorded the podcast, the first time I ever sent an email to my bloody email list, I was like, oh God, is this right? Like the first time I posted, the first time I, I had my group coaching program, the first private client, you know? And even now, right now, like I'm, I'm currently launching a membership, the Money Matrix membership. I've never launched a membership and I'm terrified, but I know it's gonna be bloody amazing. I know that because I do have high expectations on myself and I do know what I'm gonna bring to it, but it still terrifies me regardless. But I'm not gonna let that stop me. I'm going to build up my confidence muscle. I'm going to become more and more confident every single month because I love making myself uncomfortable.
Carla Townsend (00:17:17) - And that's honestly the truth. I love making myself uncomfortable because every time I'm uncomfortable, I grow. Every time you are uncomfortable, you grow, you evolve, you begin to realize that the things that were once really hard, really scary, really terrifying, and you just didn't wanna do 'em. But you just knew. You just knew you had this inner knowing that like if I do that though, that's really gonna up-level me. That's going to start to create this beautiful compounding effect in my life. And this is the thing that I wanna leave you on because I think it's really potent every action that you take, no matter how small, no matter how insignificant it might seem, but every action that you take is compounding and it is compounding either towards what you desire or further away from it. So which direction are you compounding towards? All right.
Carla Townsend (00:18:14) - I hope you love this episode. Thank you so much for being here and I'll catch you next week. I really just wanted to let you know that the Money Matrix membership is going live June 2nd, think mindset, money mastery, confidence, accountability, wealth principles, practical meet spiritual being a female entrepreneur, energetics, hot seat coaching, all the things wrapped up in a beautiful monthly setting with two live calls from me and a community of women who just get it. We are here to go big. We dream bigger. This is the community that I wish I had have had when I started. This is why I'm building this because I believe that this is so powerful to put yourself into proximity with other women who understand. They get it, they see you, they hear you, they cheer you on. Let's talk about money. Let's normalize these big dreams, these big goals, big wealth. You are here to be the one who made it. This is the space where we get to rise together. It's time to go from overwhelmed overflow. Let's be self-made together. Head to money mindset hub.com/matrix or head to the link in the show notes. Thank
Carla Townsend (00:19:23) - You so much for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, I would absolutely love it. If you could please leave me a five star review and let me know your thoughts. And if you know anyone who would benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them. Until next time, remember, everything you desire and deserve is just on the other side of your own resistance. So take that next step.